So I've got this friend...

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One of my very best friends from Arkansas is a guy that I met about 5-6 years ago. We hit it off pretty well back then, so much so, that he let me live at his house for about 6 months while I waited for Amy and I to get married and make the move down to our new home in AR.

This guy is a really reasonable fellow. However, he's got his eye on a new house, and I'm afraid he's "losing it" a bit... :-)

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So, let's say you had a line on a house that was 3500 square feet, and about 2-3 years old. The price was really good - almost too good to be true, so you hired a home inspector to "look out for your interests" before you bought the house.

Ok... the house inspector comes out, checks out the house and notices that the roof is leaking, which has in turn caused various water/moisture/mold damage in at least one room of the house. So, you hire an air quality tester to come in and test for moisture/mold, and the results are impressive - your house not only has mold, it's toxic mold - one of the worst kinds around.

Undaunted, and still blinded by this great deal, you venture on. The home inspector has also noted that parts of the floor will need to be replaced due to the moisture; the stairs going to the 2nd floor are crooked and "leaning"; the front door isn't centered in the house properly; and a few other things...

No biggie, right?

So, you hire a contractor to fix the problems. His first order of business is to hire a roofer to come out and fix the leaking roof. Only, the roofer never shows up. A week goes by, and no one can reach the roofer... why? Oh, he died of a heart attack soon after getting the call to work on this house.

DING DING! Omen #3, right?

Nah, you'll keep moving along with the house purchase. I mean, it's got this fantastic basement that will make a great rec/media/game room -- there's a bathroom down there, 2 bedrooms, and this nice big open area with a patio door. And besides, it's a great bargain.

The next order of business is to hire an appraiser to evaluate the property so that you can finalize the financial details. Appraiser #1 refuses to come out because of the mold. DING DING! Omen #4.

Appraiser #2 comes out and believes he hears the downstairs shower running. Wrong - a pipe burst and proceeded to fill the basement with water. And what does mold love? Moisture. DING DING DING!!!

My friend and I went out to survey the damage, and this is what we saw:



The ripples are from my friend tossing coins into the reflecting pool while making a wish.

The only reason the water was only 4-5 inches high was because it was able to "drain" through the sliding glass doors - had they not been there, odds are the water would've been up to the first floor, as we believe the water had been running for at least 6 days.

Well, we think he's still going to buy the house. And it is a cool house, and we still love him to death, but we question his ability to "take a hint" or "recognize the signs." The joke now is that his house was built on an old Indian burial ground...


I'll let you know if anything happens to spontaneously combust, or if whordes of locusts infiltrate the house. That is, provided I don't inherit this curse through association.

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