How to lower your IQ by 30%, guaranteed!

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Holy cow.

So, all I've heard anyone talk about lately is "myspace.com" - it's been on the news; Saturday Night Live did a skit about it; everyone online makes references to it; Rupert Murdoch bought it for $580 million a few weeks ago...

If I were him, I'd want my money back. Heck, I just spent 3 minutes trying to navigate around myspace.com, and all I know is that I want my 3 minutes back. Talk about an awful site. It can serve no useful purpose - there is nothing in the real world that is lame enough for me to compare myspace.com to, so rather than beat my head against the desk trying to think of ultra-dumb, worthless things to compare myspace.com to, I'll share what I've learned from my 3 minutes on myspace.com:

* You build a myspace page if you're 11 - 13 years old, or are trying to impress 11 - 13 year old kids

* When building your page try to follow these popular myspace trends:
a. Use a neon pink background with an annoying yellow pattern; bonus points if you find a background that has animation incorporated
b. Use a white-colored font on that pink background, so no one can read what you're writing
c. Choose an ultra-annoying song that will load quickly and play repeatedly as people visit your page
d. Show complete disregard for any HTML standards - in fact, try your best ot insult HTML
e. Find an old 0.0001 megapixel camera phone with a scratched lens that's been dunked in a milkshake and use it to take 400 similar pictures of yourself
f. Post 398 of those 400 pictures ot your myspace page
g. Use your newly designed and "ultra kool" page to complain about how miserable your 12 years of life have been; try to show everyone how "kool" you are by writing about how you don't care about anything, and about how everything sucks (except for your kool myspace.com page, of course)
h. Get yourself 200 "friends" to throw out annoying "shout outs" to you and your awesome page. Example of a proper shout out = "OMGHI2U, ur so kool! ur page is the most bestest everest! luv2u!"

That'll do it... if you observe any of these tips, you're well on your way to becoming a myspace legend


Wow. I can't believe that site is so "popular" - it's honestly awful. If Mr. Murdoch can't find anything better to do with $580 million than to buy some lame teenie-bopper site that's dying a quick and painful death, I'd like to suggest that he float a small portion - maybe 10% of that $580 million my way... I could put it to much better use.

There isn't any other good way to share with you how horrible myspace.com is... other than to suggest that you visit it for yourself. My only suggestion is that you keep sharp objects as far away from you as possible, because after 30 seconds on that trainwreck you'll either: (a) try to stab your computer, or (b) stab yourself.


1 Comments

I didn't get it at first either. But you have to look past all that. If you don't care for the pages of 12 year olds, don't view them. (i don't mean for that sentence to sound rude). There is SO much more there. You just have to rise above the insanity and hang out with your friends and meet people who are "normal."

I did a search by graduation year and found a friend I hadn't seen since high school. I probably wouldn't have run into him or ever known his email address, but now, 24 hours a day we can catch up by viewing each others page, sending an email or leaving a stupid message on each others page.

I met a girl who is a writer.

Myspace is amazing for musicians like my friend Travis (http://www.myspace.com/travishoward). He has his normal website. But he also has a myspace page. It brings his fans within reach. And his fans are hot...lucky guy.

Yes, I do believe that 80% of the users are useless jr. high kids, 10% are pedophiles, but 10% are good people just keeping in touch in a new way.

As for owning the site - it's an advertising mega machine. Hundreds of millions of adverts a day. I think it's a smart business move. The site will grow into a way to sell stuff (like downloading music for $$). It's still in it's infancy.

http://www.myspace.com/bblah

http://www.myspace.com/bryanpush

http://www.myspace.com/bspotfilms

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