As if flying wasn't bad enough.

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I had to take a flight last week, and had the pleasure of making a connection at one of my favorite airports, Chicago O'Hare (incase the sarcasm didn't come across, I hate O'Hare). While waiting for my connecting flight, I couldn't help but notice an older couple who were busy making a huge scene.

I'll attempt to describe them, but trust me, the description will do no justice to their actual appearance and behavior. The guy looked like a typical sleaze bag, only even more sleazy. He had to be about 47 or 48, stood about 5'9, had a bit of a gut (but no shame), had far too much fake tanner on (he looked orange), and sported some super bleached-blonde hair that peeked out from under a "Hooters - Dallas" baseball cap.

He was dressed in a tight black mock shirt that was covered by a bright tan sport coat. He had on some Levi's blue jeans that were 3 sizes too small, and just in case there was any doubt as to his level of sleaze, he had on dress loafers with no socks. UGH! He'd take off his baseball cap every so often, and it revealed a nice big bald spot...

His significant other was about the same height and similar build, although she was sporting some "enhancements" - I'm guessing she had at least $30k of plastic surgery - you can only guess where; but her lips looked like they were smuggling bicycle inner tubes. Fried hair, dressed all in black (and sporting a black "Juicy" sweatsuit that was anything but), and carrying the ultimate "poseur bag" - an obviously fake Louie Vitton (you can sort of see it in the photo below).

They were standing in the middle of our gate area making out and groping each other as if there was no one else around; nothing like watching two morons make out at 7:30am on a Wednesday... at an airport... in Chicago... Cheese and rice.

So we get on the plane, and guess who's sitting just in front of me? That's right - the super couple. I had a front row seat for their make-out session and all of their other antics. The "dude" ordered at least 6 Vodkas, and drank them straight - no juice, no soda, just the little Vodka bottles. The "chick" drank at least that many little bottles of wine... And every 20 minutes or so, they'd change seats, cover up with a blanket, and make out with each other. While I'm not excited about dying, I secretly wished for a catastrophic engine failure, just so we could spare the world of another day with those two oxygen theives... it would've been worth going down in a blaze of glory if it meant that they wouldn't possibly be able to (further) contaminate society.

Oh - almost forgot; the "dude" must have been a really important guy, because he refused to turn off his cell phone when the flight crew asked him to. He "had important business" that was "beyond their comprehension" and would "only take a minute" to resolve. I could see his iPhone's display -- he was chatting with someone named "B-Man." I'm sure the two of them were finalizing plans for a global economic recovery plan.

Why on earth do I get stuck witnessing every single annoying person and their antics? I swear I need a camera crew to follow me around and capture these experiences... I'm sure it would blow away any American Idol ratings if it ever aired on TV.

For proof of my experience with Mr. & Mrs. Sleaze, I snapped a photo... here you can clearly see his sockless loafer look.


Oh, and Happy New Year. Hope you're all doing well. Here's another great LOLcatz picture to get us back on the right foot for 2009. Enjoy!


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