A hauntingly timely rant...

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pumpkins.jpg

Ok, so I don't know if this rant will be hauntingly good, but as it's been a while since I've done any public complaining about something that is (in all likelihood) very insignificant, I felt it was time. And, truth be told, this is actually two rants in one, joined by a common topic: pumpkins. Here we go.

There's a semi-upscale mall located near my workplace. It's a "promenade" type mall that, upon first blush, appears to cater primarily to upper-class, middle-aged women, as evidenced by the roster of stores: Ann Taylor, Bath & Bodyworks, Chicos, J. Jill, and so on. I can't imagine the mall is doing terribly well; every time I drive through the area, I'm hard pressed to see more than a handful of cars, and foot traffic appears to be light at best.

So, imagine my bewilderment when The Bruce Company (perhaps the most expensive nursery/landscape/outdoor equipment dealer in the area) started to fabricate and build what appears to be a "halloween tree" complete with hundreds of carefully placed pumpkins, in the center of the mall's "roundabout."

I can't begin to imagine what it had to cost the mall management company to have the thing fabricated and built, let alone what they're spending on security for the thing. Oh, that's right - you heard correctly: security. They post a guard at the pumpkin tree every single evening, and the guard stays there all night to ensure that vandals don't smash every single last pumpkin in the tree.

Perhaps my assumption that the mall isn't doing well is unfounded and inaccurate? I mean, the tree had to cost several thousand dollars (maybe as much as $10k, as it took a full week for them to build it), and they must be spending thousands of dollars on security... I'd love to know if there's any measurable return on that investment.

And, speaking of pumpkins, I was listening to the radio yesterday when one of the newscaster folks shared a story about a shortage of pumpkin pie filling. Apparently, there's one farmer who is located just outside of Peoria, Illinois that is responsible for supplying more than 90% of the pumpkins that are used to make pumpkin pie filling - for the entire United States.

There's a shortage because he had a bad pumpkin crop last year, and as such, the processors were in short supply of pumpkin and had to scramble to find additional suppliers.

The maddening part of this story isn't that there's a pumpkin shortage. It's that the professional newscaster mispronounced the word pumpkin throughout the entire 3-minute story. Instead of saying puMPkin, she said, "pun-kin." And she didn't just say it once, she said it at least 31 times.

31 times? Yep - I started counting every single use of the word "pun-kin" in her story; it was like nails on a chalkboard. "Punkin shortage," "punkin supplier," "punkin processor," "punkin pie filling," "punkin patch," and so on. And, like Cool Whip on the proverbial punkin pie, she also mispronounced "Illinois" - yep, added the dreaded "noise" to the end of it.

So... if you can't find any punkin pie filling this year, blame it on the farmer from Ill-in-noise. And, if you absolutely must have some punkin pie filling, maybe we could get the local mall to donate a few of the punkins from their punkin tree.

Over and out.

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This page contains a single entry by Steve published on October 21, 2010 2:55 PM.

What a weekend - I think I need a vacation! And a bigger belt... was the previous entry in this blog.

Weekend update is the next entry in this blog.

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