Out of control.

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I am on a downward spiral and it needs to stop. Seriously.

For the past month or so, I have loathed the thought of any type of exercise - I've skipped a lot of runs, cheated on rides, and half-heartedly lifted weights. My diet has been a big roller coaster of ups-and-downs; I'm either a complete nazi or a complete lush. There's no consistency or moderation - it's feast or famine.

I think that's why I had the fainting episode in March... my mouth and stomach are happily writing checks that my poor legs can't keep up with cashing. I'd eat really clean for 5 days, exercise like a madman, and then lose it on the weekend: overeat, overtrain to compensate, and then do 5 days of strict diet and exercise... rinse/lather/repeat.

On April 1, I said, "to heck with it. I'm taking a break. I'm almost 40, what's the point of this?" And so I rolled-back on exercise a bit (my longest run in the past two weeks was a 7-mile run; most days it's been around 5-miles), and I ate whatever I wanted to, whenever I wanted to. To make a long story short - I'm ready to quit. I told myself I was burned out and that I needed to take a break for a bit.

So I used my recent birthday as an excuse to eat like a complete maniac for the past 2+ weeks; and by maniac, I mean it - last night, for example, at about 11:30pm I felt the urge to go get something sweet... so, I hopped into the car, drove to the bakery and bought an apple fritter (which weighed 2.7 lbs - I weighed it on my digital scale - and measured 13" in diameter by 2.5" thick), and three sour cream old fashioned glazed donuts. And I ate them all. At midnight.

Yesterday's calorie totals? 6436 calories in. 0 calories out.

Thursday's calorie totals? 6255 calories in. 0 calories out.

You get the idea. As such, I'm up on the scale - the heaviest I've been in 2+ years. What in the heck is wrong with me?

And so, I'm sitting here, at 2:30pm, staring at my bike, dreading the idea of hopping on to it. It would be so much easier to stay seated on the couch; it would be so much more "fun" to call the local pizza place and place a ridiculous order, wolf it down, and then walk to the local store for ice cream and cookies.

But, within a month, I'd be 200-pounds. And within a year, I'd be at 300-pounds again. And I'd be really miserable. So, I have to get back onto the wagon. I have to be responsible; stay focused, stay determined. The past few weeks are what they were - a bump in the road. It's time to get serious, and to toughen up. Suck it up, buttercup - get back on the horse and don't quit.

So... what's the purpose of this post? It's a reminder to myself that aside from giving up, nothing's easy. Quitting is the easy way out - making excuses are easier than lacing up the shoes or putting down the spoon. It's also a way to say that I know how hard it is to lose weight, get into shape, and stick with it. If it were easy, we'd all be fit and healthy. There'd be no excuses.

But it's not easy. It's not fair. I'd rather go have a beverage with coworkers; eat mounds of popcorn; eat piles of burgers and fries. Unfortunately, I can't. And so, I'm committing to getting back onto my programs with complete tenacity and focus. No deviations, no cheating.

By the end of May I will be back to proper racing weight and capacity/volume.

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In other news, I'm working on a much more upbeat post/report, but it's proving to be quite lengthy. I wanted to get this out there before I share the next entry, so stay tuned. I guess I'll hit the bike for an hour, then I'll go out for a run - probably a 4-miler. At least it's snowing outside. :-(

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About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Steve published on April 16, 2011 2:34 PM.

Fish Fry Review: Crawfish Junction (2nd visit) was the previous entry in this blog.

Puerto Rico - "It's an Experience" (part 2 - finish reading here) is the next entry in this blog.

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