April 2013 Archives

My life...down the crapper.


This past Saturday, my entire life went down the toilet. Literally.

I was at home, procrastinating my morning running and riding session. It was cold and windy outside, and the last thing I felt like doing was strapping on some running shoes to pound out just under 5-miles.

Desperate to do anything other than exercise, I turned to cleaning the house. I threw on some headphones, cranked-up a podcast, and started cleaning (while in my running clothes, mind you). I eventually made my way to the bathroom, where the first item on the docket was the 'ole 'Lu. Toilet/crapper/john/whatever you please.

In went the Lysol cleaner, followed by the brush, followed by a flush. I turned to remove some items from the vanity so that I could wipe it down with Lysol wipes, and that's when it happened...

My hand snagged the headphone cord, which effectively yanked my iPhone 5 from the front pocket of my sweatshirt, sending it directly into the toilet, where it promptly sunk to the very bottom and sat there.

Without even thinking, I thrust my hand into the toilet and ran to the garage, where my trusty 15-gallon vertical DeWalt air compressor was waiting at the ready. I connected a blower nozzle and frantically forced compressed air into every nook, cranny, crevice, port, and opening of the phone. I must have forced air through it for a solid 3-4 minutes.

I then went into the kitchen, opened the oven, and put my phone on the top rack of the oven. I set the temperature to as low as the oven would allow - 150-degrees. I figured the oven would slowly heat to 150F and help quickly dry any remaining moisture from the phone.

People might freak-out about the oven thing, but in reality, the inside of your car easily exceeds 150F during hot summer days, and I'd wager a guess that many the person has left his or her smartphone in their car during some balmier days. One of my duties as Editor-in-Chief of Guru Reports was to measure and record the interior temperature of vehicles parked in direct sunlight. The highest dashboard temperature I ever saw was 207-degrees. 150F is nothing.

As the phone heated in the oven, I drove to the local grocery store and bought the cheapest box of white rice that I could find. I returned home, removed the phone from the oven and then placed it into a double-layered zip-top bag. I filled the bag with rice and left the phone to sit for 4 days.

Let me tell you... not having a smartphone for 4 days is tricky. I felt so disconnected and so out-of-touch. I couldn't check my work calendar while in meetings; e-mails piled-up; texts went undelivered and unanswered. It was a bit unnerving to say the least.

I fired-up the phone yesterday, and... it works perfectly. Like nothing ever happened. Relief!!!! Victory!!!! iPhone 1, toilet 0.

Saved myself $849 (the cost of a new iPhone) and learned a valuable lesson: no using the phone anywhere near the bathroom. Ever.

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